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Breaking the Silence..

This silence is choking me,

I keep gasping for breath but even breathing seems hard.

There is so much on my mind, so much that I fear, if I start to express, I may run out of time.

This is me making that first step, expressing my feelings that for too long has been hidden far and kept, away from everyone, away from me.

Now it’s time to set them free.

I’ve gone through enough, It’s time to heal.

Now I’m breaking the silence…

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Amdist Our Fears are our Blessings in Disguise

We often think that blessings only come in the form of money, in big packages, or nicely wrapped. Well that is farther from the truth, we are blessed in small ways everyday even though we sometimes never realise it.

Last night while heading home from work, my coworker was kind enough to offer me a ride that would take me half way my journey, of course for this I was grateful as having worked late I didn’t quite figure out my route and how I would get home as yet. Happy about this kind gesture and the possibility of getting home much quicker than I would, had I taken the bus, I hurriedly packed away my desk and left the office.

Upon getting to my drop off location, I saw a bus that was about to leave for the destination I was heading, I anxiously got on and barely sat while the bus driver waited for a few more passengers, as the bus started to fill it got more uncomfortable as a guy forcefully sat between the lady across the row and I. As I usually do when I’m travelling, I took my phone and started listening to some music while I read.

Having reached half way to my destination the conductor started to collect the bus fares. It was then I remembered, I didn’t stop at the ATM as I had planned to, had I not gotten a ride, while walking to the bus park I would have passed the ATM on the way and had planned to withdraw some money for bus fare and lunch for the rest of the week. Instead I got a ride and so excited, I forgot to secure my fare for the remainder of my journey.

I started to search my bags, purse and pockets frantically trying to find the money needed to pay my fare. I tried to stay calm but I was really panicking as the conductor was getting closer to the row I was seated in. By this time the guy sitting beside me started looking at me with a look of concerned annoyance. I bet he was wondering ‘what was it that I searching endlessly for? While searching I hoped that I would at least find enough coins to save me from the embarrassment that I was about to encounter.

To my disappointment it wasn’t enough I was $10.00 short, cashless, disappointed and angry at myself for acting carelessly and not ensuring that I had spending money on my person. I started looking around me to see if I knew anybody on the bus that could help me with my fare until we got to the town, where I would be able to withdraw the cash from the ATM and repay them.

There was noone, I looked at the guy beside me and chuckled softly with embarrassment, “I can’t find my fare, I forgot to go to the ATM and I am short $10.00 for my fare. “Scared of hearing his response to my devastating situation, I looked away and started to search my bags again with the hope of finding money hidden in any of the secret pockets I usually use to put money away for ‘rainy days’ similar to the one I found myself in tonight.

To my surprise, he responded “Don’t Worry, I will take care of it”.

BLessing
In my disbelief I asked, what? He repeated, “I will pay your fare, don’t worry.” There he said it, again, ‘Don’t worry’ his response to my calamity was the most soothing words anyone could have said to me at that time during my moments of fear, from being embarrassed by the conductor about travelling on his bus without fare.

Immediately I felt a calm rushing in my spirit and my heart was blessed, I thanked the Lord in my heart and the young man through my lips. I was grateful that the guy who forced his way beside me, was my blessing in disguise.

by Moneshe Yanica

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Locked Out…

Locked out, they wont let me in

To get some wata I have to be knocking and begging. To go roun a operations me affi have an occasion.

Open office, teamwork and communication that’s the environment that was portrayed during my oreintation.

But what am seeing now is segregation, with this new secutity measure i no longer feel like one of tTech’s treasure.

How could it be, that you say this is the environment for me, yet that’s not what its turning out to be, where is the transparency?

Is this where I belong? Has my presence here been too long? I’ve been locked out and it feels so wrong!

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I Cry

I cry because of the spoken words unsaid,

It pierces my heart leaving it wounded and red.

My bones become so numb, to the flowing tears I involuntarily succumb.

I am breathing but to endure this feeling i’d rather be dead.

I cry because of the words you say. They hurt, in the worst imaginable way.

My world is upside down, my smile retracts to a frown.

The darkness of the night infultrates my day.

There is no escape, my tears flow like a raging river being fed by my hurt, fueled by my anger and mared by pain.

Must I endure this turmoil again and again?

The pain, It’s too deep. This unbearable feeling I don’t want to keep.

To protect my delicate heart, there is something I must do. I must put back the chains on my pain, put a lock on my emotions once again.

Now my feelings will be held captive abd locked away. Never to escape through the words that you say, and dont say.

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Affection Effect

Your hi’s and hello’s are the reasons for my highs and halo;

Your smiles make me smile and glow. You presence is like presents the best gifts I know.

The smell of your fragrance, smells so fragrant.

When you hold me your grip holds so tight and your grasp is just right.Your hugs, hug me so tight.

Your lips on my lips is electrifying.

When you whisper in my ear, I hear words that I can’t share.

Your mighty arms give me a tender cuddle from Behind. The sensation of your chest and stomach against my spine .

Your gentle loving gaze set my calm soul ablaze, deep in your love I am truly amazed.

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Sigh..

A relief expressed with wordless voices.

A long deep audible breath, unleashed beneath the burden of sadness, pain, anxiety, anguish or crisis.

It’s pain without a feeling, an expression without a meaning, a relief released when you wake from dreaming.

A groan, a moan, a soft, short, long or loud sound.

A relief from intensive, tiring thoughts, or beautiful long exhilarating laughs.

A noise of exasperation when the work or world gets too hectic.

A release of air when you are depressed, tired, bored, overworked or scared.

A noise that emits sadness or frustration, disappointment, happiness or despair.

A long deep audible breath, loud enough to be heard, but merely a sound not a word.

SIGH!

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Beauty

Pretty pink, lush lavender and gorgeous green, are just a few of the colours that I’ve seen. Walking through the garden lost in a gaze, oh merciful Jesus of your beautiful creation i am amazed.

I’ve been captivated by the beauty my God has created. The work of your mighty hands is truly underrated.

Basking in nature all around, the bees and the birds oh, they make such a wonderful sound.

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Insignificant Other

I sat there, right in front of everyone as the tears rolled from my eyes and down my face. I just didn’t care. I felt like everyone I knew had me at a total disregard. I felt unimportant, minute and almost like scum and scrorn. I felt hated, I felt that even the very sight of me was a burden. I just wanted to get away from everyone both known and unknown. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t stand to care and think about people who failed to treat me human. Like I was just some thing without thoughts feelings or emotions. Like blood didn’t pass through my veins. Like my heart had no rhythm. The object I was to them had no value, it could just be pushed, moved, and made decisions around without need for consideration or involvement.

I was just that. A thing that existed but didn’t serve a cause, not in the world but in their world . In their world nothing else mattered, nothing but them , and I was just an, insignificant other.

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Silence in a scream

I just want to scream!

Because in that moment the world stops spinning, and all I hear is a silence in the noise, a sense of clarity, an escape of my insanity. A brief moment where my mind is not racing, there are no thoughts, no worries, regrets or fears. There is no sadness, just a still, calm, relaxing escape of my agony and pain.

“Silence is the most powerful scream.” Anonymous

But it makes no sense screaming. The second it’s over, my world crashes, again and again,my thoughts race without direction, my memory comes and goes and I lose connection.

Everything becomes crowdy and cloudy and I can’t see, I can’t sleep. I feel the weight of my thoughts as they burden, the strength of my cells.

Its unbearable, This pain is enough to burst my skin.